Sexual harmony is easily discerned with synastry, and it’s about more than how your Venus and his Mars get along. While sexual compatibility between two people will not guarantee a long-term relationship, it certainly plays a major role in what draws people — and keeps them — together. When you’re first getting to know someone, it’s nice to have an idea if you’re well-matched in the bedroom (before you even get to that point).
Venus and Mars
Whether you’re attracted to the opposite sex, same sex, or both, Venus and Mars are the starting points for compatibility. They are the significators of love and sex; Venus represents what you want, and Mars describes how you go after it. While the resonance between your Venus and your partner’s Mars (and vice versa) is important, Venus/Venus and Mars/Mars also play a crucial role. House position matters, but the sign that each planet occupies is the deciding factor.
Venus in Libra (in your 3rd House of information) suggests that you want flirtatious conversations and a constant flow of chitchat with your lover. That’s how you relate and express affection. Let’s put your Mars in Virgo, in your 2nd House of security and personal resources. Sexually, you’re somewhat conservative, and you know exactly what you want and how to get it. Your approach to physical intimacy is highly focused and you want to get it right (Virgo), but there’s also an undercurrent of sensuality (the 2nd House is about comfort). Anything vulgar is a turnoff.
If his Mars is in Gemini, his light, flirtatious touch (and curiosity about different techniques) will blend perfectly with your Libra Venus, because Gemini and Libra are both Air signs. But Gemini squares Virgo, so even if your Mars and his Mars don’t aspect each other, the way each of you have sex will clash. He’s not as sensual as you, and you find it annoying that he skips all over the place rather than focus on one area. If his Mars is in his hidden 12th House, you find his actions frustratingly secretive or oblique. Due to the Air sign resonance with your Venus, you should be able to draw him out. But there’s still that Mars/Mars incompatibility to consider.
If his Venus is in his 1st House Cancer, his upfront, emotional way of relating clashes with your lighter, Libra Venus (you find his nurturing displays sloppy). Libra (Air) and Cancer (Water) square each other. But his Venus harmonizes nicely with your Mars, because Cancer (Water) and Virgo (Earth) are compatible signs. He’s receptive to the way you ensure that everything is just so in the bedroom. So there’s a mix of discord and harmony between the two of you. It’s definitely workable, but you’ll each have to put in some effort to prevent the discord from throwing you off.
What about the tense aspects (squares and oppositions) between Venus and Mars? It’s true that these aspects create increased attraction, because the friction pushes the Mars person into a more assertive “pursuit” mode. But the Venus person may find this unacceptable. How this plays out in the long run depends on the rest of charts, and the condition of Venus and Mars. Venus conjunct Saturn in Virgo is likely to put up some severe walls of disapproval against galloping Mars in Sagittarius (Sagittarius squares Virgo). Venus may even shut Mars in Sag down, despite any initial attraction. Mars’ enthusiasm is simply too coarse and pushy for Virgo-Venus, with her Saturn limits. But Mars in Sagittarius will have an easier time with Venus in Pisces (Sag also squares Pisces). Even though his actions are over-the-top for sensitive Pisces, she’s more open and fluid than Venus/Saturn in Virgo. If we add an expansive trine from her Jupiter (ruler of Sag) to her Venus, she’ll be even more willing to receive Mr. Sag’s attentions.
The 2nd and 8th Houses
While Venus and Mars are the primary compatibility indicators, the 2nd and 8th Houses (the houses of personal needs and shared intimacy) also say a lot about a person’s sexual preferences, and how they blend or clash with their partner.
If you have Saturn in your 8th House, you may have issues around opening up to your lover. You try to maintain control in the area where you don’t have control. Any aspects that your lover’s planets make to your Saturn will directly impact your intimacy issues. If her Moon trines your Saturn, you feel a bit more at ease with her, because her emotional responses create chinks in your armor. Her needs complement your sexual rules. But if her Uranus opposes your Saturn, she may be far too unpredictable. She disrupts your security (her Uranus sits in your 2nd House) and threatens your control. Maybe she has some kinks, and you don’t even want to go there. Then again, maybe she’s just what you need to break out of your sexual lockdown.
If you have Jupiter in your 2nd House, you need self-indulgence. More of anything makes you feel good. His Sun (ego) conjunct your Jupiter will encourage that indulgence. He lights you up, and increases your confident sexuality, while being the happy recipient of your confidence. But if his Saturn opposes your Jupiter (and falls in your 8th House) not only will he block your natural, sensual exuberance, he may end up implementing all sorts of restrictions when the two of you are intimate.
If one partner has a packed 8th House, and the other has an emphasized 2nd House, each will approach sex from a different angle. This matters, even if your 8th House planets and her 2nd House planets don’t aspect each other. As the 8th House person, you’re interested in merging with your partner, while she’s focused on meeting her needs first. These differing approaches may clash or complement each other, depending on the planets and signs involved.
Related: Venus/Mars Compatibility
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