Love Horoscope for the Week of July 13

Last week’s forecast was full of tense aspects and wasn’t the world’s best news to deliver, frankly. Life (and astrology) are like that sometimes, and too much sugar-coating seems a little disingenuous.

Having said that, this week’s transits don’t call for a forecast so much as they do a prayer session. Please bow your heads with me.

Oh Lord (or Lady or Gods or Goddesses or whattheheckever, I’m not picky, just pick up the phone okay?):

First of all, we know we must recognize that growth comes through challenges. So here’s a big “thank you” for Venus square Saturn, which is in effect throughout the week. We recognize that we were put on this Earth to love one another, and if that sort of thing came easily it wouldn’t be the kind of test You seem to love so much. Thanks for the challenge, and for surrounding us with insensitive jerks this week!

We thank You for the New Moon in Cancer on Wednesday, which will give us all a chance to reevaluate our lives and think about how we want things to be different. We will try not to think too hard about how last Thursday’s Sun-Uranus-Pluto T-square shut down the New York Stock Exchange and United Airlines and made everyone really cranky. And we will try not to think about how this Wednesday is basically the same deal except with more involvement from Mars. We also thank you for Mercury and Mars opposite Pluto on the same day, which will give us the strength to express our needs more forcefully… or find just the right words to start that big brawl, whatever.

Finally, we thank you for the weekend and for Date Night. We thank you for Venus discreetly poking her head into Virgo for a while before she goes retrograde next week and spend the next month in Leo subjecting us to drunk dials from the ex and general love life dissatisfaction, and thinking about love rather than actually experiencing it.

Mostly though, we thank you for the opportunity to once more learn that life is a precious gift. And believe it or not, it hasn’t killed us yet! So, um… thanks I guess. Thank you for the special gift of astrology, which gives us the ability to see these things coming and gives us a reason to forgive the idiots in our life rather than to simply think they are pinheads. And we like to think that there is some other planet of your wide-eyed congregants out there having a really awesome week… but we still kinda hope you dump this crap on them rather than us. Just sayin’.

Amen. Salaam. So say we all. Ouch!

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