Love in Return

I know I could come across sounding selfish, but why do I never get the love I give in return?

For the past few relationships this has been the case, I feel I keep coming up against partners (females) that have a desire to remain individual or ‘free spirited’ to the point that it can appear (to me) that they give out very little love. I understand that we are attracted to partners as a means to learn something about ourselves, and I am afraid I am missing something and this is why I keep ending up in these confusing relationships, where their is a part of me which is not content, that would ideally expect more (love). Is it stupid of me to believe in a love that can give and receive equally? Should I work hard to give less? (this will be difficult as it’s not in my nature). I know I probably sound impatient, but right now I am 42 with no family, I have my s**t together bringing in a good pay, I have a creative practice, I meditate, but since getting my life together and becoming more responsible, soul partners that I can share strong affinities with and connect with are all but gone. ( A whiff of saturn jupiter opposition here?)

I don’t want to feel like I am being pushed into my life choices, and there comes a time in a mans life, when it would be good to feel like you’re steering the helm of a sturdy sea vessel rather than bobbing up and down like a buoy swept off on a tide. My current situation arose from departing an unhappy relationship and finding full-time work in a new city, my present situation is quite close, I have been offered a chance to work in China.. I am unsure whether to just go for it (again), or try to be patient and make my current relationship work. I am a little tired of constantly moving to new situations to alleviate my circumstance, but maybe there is a place out there for me, where everything will work out right?

Currently revisiting my love of astrology, can any of you offer any pointers of the areas I need to look at to help me improve on my handling of this lesson!?

Thanks!
JB
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