Firstly, thank you for reading my question. My question is: what kind of work should I be doing that will give me the stimulation, security and peace (and money) I crave?
Simply put, I have not been able to find or keep a full time permanent job since graduating college in 1993. All I want is to work, be productive, be let alone and get paid correctly. I have worked in many different fields (medical, education, legal, publishing and broadcasting traffic, internet ad ops) and have gone to grad school 3 times. My BA is in Psych and my only MA is in early childhood/special education (I can no longer teach due to stress). I seem to find jobs where people say one thing and then another or usually, people are mean-spirited, backbiting, self-centered jerks. On top of it all, I am mildly autistic with a very bad case of misophonia (in my case, I get bad headaches when I hear clicking and popping noises). People will actually look for ways to make clicking noises around me! People seem not to like me, which wouldn’t be so bad if I could just work quietly by myself. I can’t seem to find direction. I either get people who want to tell me they’re in the same boat or people who offer no new insights. People don’t know how to relate to me. When I get a job either I have to quit due to stress or I am “downsized” or fired (I’ve been fired 4 times and downsized twice). Meanwhile, people I have worked with who are horrible at their jobs face no issues. I’ve been on jobs where I’ve gotten sick and they’ve refused to help me with medical insurance. Job training has been one scam after another (they take your money and promise job placement but there is no job placement). I am stressed beyond belief and have no talents I can use to support myself in downturns. I am currently unemployed with no unemployment income. I have no money to return to school. Autism agencies are of no help. I have no friends or family I can ask for help; my mom is dying and my brother is also between jobs. I’d like to leave the area but every time I save some money, something pops up and I cannot leave.
I am a very hard worker and love to do a good job but I seem to have no shortage of bad luck and I am tired. I just turned 45 and I feel 80! I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, but I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I am supposed to be doing something specific, but I just don’t know what it is. (and no, I don’t have a passion, except to be left alone, it’s easier).
Please, if you have any helpful advice on what I can do to alleviate this crazy, I owe you big. Please be gentle; I am very depressed now. Thank you for even reading this.
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