Polyamory and Infidelity: The Ethical Slut Versus the Cheater

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On the surface, it might seem that polyamory (open relationships) looks the same as infidelity in the natal chart. After all, they’re both about having more than one partner. But there is a crucial difference between the two. The key word in open relationships is “open.” Both partners have agreed to the arrangement. In the case of infidelity, one partner may or may not be aware of the other’s extracurricular activities, but they are not in agreement with their lover going outside the relationship. This difference shows up in the natal charts of polyamorists versus the charts of those who have cheated on their partners.

Ethics and Deception

I’ve written a post about the charts of people in open relationships, so I won’t go into detail here. Some prevalent configurations:

• Natal Juno in Sagittarius
• Juno in Gemini and Pisces
• Gemini and Sagittarius on the Ascendant or Descendant
• The Moon, Venus, Mars in the above signs
• The Moon in Aquarius
• Aspects from Uranus to the Moon, Venus or Mars
• Natal Sun/Venus conjunctions

The overall theme is a need for freedom, along with expansion (more to give, and the desire to receive more) in committed relationships. One lover is not enough, and traditional relationship rules don’t work.

The above factors are present (in various combinations) across a range charts of those who have been unfaithful. The Gemini/Sag energy of more than one option is emphasized in some charts. Aspects from Uranus create impatience with rules, in other charts. Sun/Venus conjunctions pump the sense of entitlement for some. But the key difference is this: the cheaters all have hard aspects (square, opposition or inconjunct but not conjunction) from natal Neptune to their personal planets, Juno, or Sun/Moon midpoint. Although hard Neptune aspects may exist in the charts of polyamorists, I didn’t see any in my selection (admittedly, I did not examine hundreds of charts). To a lesser extent, I also noticed 12th House personal planets (especially Venus, Mars or the Moon) in the charts of cheaters, and these planets often received hard Neptune aspects. Again, this didn’t come up in the charts of polyamorists (although I didn’t have birth times for all of them).

It boils down to openness versus deception. It’s a fact that not everyone with hard Neptune aspects, or 12th House planets, is going to cheat. But these aspects, combined with other factors that encourage a desire for more than one partner, can lead to deception in relationships. Neptune dissolves boundaries and accountability. In some cases, Neptune can make deception attractive; in the clear light of honesty, infidelity looses its appeal. 12th House planets are “hidden” so the cheater may deceive him or herself about what they’re doing. Or, they just enjoy keeping secrets. Conjunctions to Neptune (which I did find in the charts of some polyamorists) indicate fusion, making it easier to integrate Neptune’s energy. In other words, openly owning the transcendence of limits, rather than having one foot in and one foot outside a relationship.

As a side note, I didn’t notice any Sagittarius Junos in the charts of the unfaithful. Sagittarius is the sign of beliefs, and Juno in Sag people need to have a partner who shares their relationship belief system. Obviously, if someone is deceiving their partner, there’s a lack of agreement on how to be in a relationship.

An interesting subtheme in many (but not all) of the charts of polyamorists and adulterers were hard Saturn aspects (square, opposition, conjunction) to personal planets. These aspects would increase the sense of duty and restriction. You might think this would result in the native restricting him or herself to one partner. But in these cases, it seems that the approaches to relationships are a reaction to Saturn’s limits. For someone who’s in a poly relationship, it’s an open rejection of tradition. But it should be noted that polyamorists have their own rules: honesty and respect for boundaries are huge. For a cheater, there’s resentment of commitment and the desire to escape. But he or she feels trapped. The mix of hard Neptune and Saturn aspects (even if they don’t hit the same planet) results in a feeling of helplessness. The affair was beyond their control. It “just happened.”

Note that the title of this article refers to “The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships and Other Adventures”

Related: Astrology Truth or Myth: You Can Spot a Cheater by Looking at Their Chart

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