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Capricorns are known for their discipline and ambition. But the qualities of this Saturn-ruled sign don’t always translate well into the realm of intimate relationships. There are many self-aware Caps out there who are fully present and passionate in their relationships. But the unaware partner with Capricorn relationship planets (Saturn ruling the 7th House, or Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars in Capricorn) can be frustratingly distant and controlling. Read on for tips on how to deal with that famous Capricorn reserve.
The Tyranny of Order
Whether you’re just getting to know him, or have been involved for years, the unaware Capricorn will operate from a place of fear. Saturn is about limits and reality, but when its energy is distorted, it manifests as fear and repression. Fear of what? Anything that challenges his rules. Order is essential to this sign. Putting everything into a context that he can understand gives him a sense of control. If you do anything that threatens to disrupt this order, the fearful Capricorn will react by shutting down and/or telling you that your behavior is unacceptable.
It’s a cliche that Capricorns are repressed. But in some cases, it’s true. Capricorn loathes chaos, and what’s more chaotic than intimacy? There’s the physical act of sex, where both partners are as vulnerable as they’ll ever be. And then there’s the messiness that comes from deep emotional exchanges. The shut-down Capricorn will attempt to impose order over these areas. She may insist that there’s only one “correct” way to have sex or share feelings (her way). In more extreme manifestations, she may deny these activities altogether. For you, the partner who just wants to love her, it can feel like punishment.
Living With Capricorn Boundaries
Assuming that you’re safe and relatively happy in your relationship with your Capricorn, there are ways to work with his Saturn limits. First off, know that even the most switched-on, sexually/emotionally aware Cap will exercise some degree of control. As his partner, it’s your job to accept this. Telling him to “relax” is the most counterproductive thing you can say, and invalidates his very essence. What you can do is respect his boundaries by patiently gaining his trust, and understanding how he experiences sensuality. Capricorn is an Earth sign; he desires solid, physical experiences, and these experiences will involve integrity. This is not the full-on sensual immersion of Taurus, but a more refined expression: enjoyment that’s earned. Capricorn’s experience of pleasure always rests alongside the awareness of responsibility.
Capricorn requires a degree of solitude. What, where and how will be defined by the nature of the planets in Capricorn and their house positions. This sign is essentially independent, and doesn’t need anyone. She may want to be with you (at certain times) but doesn’t need the full-on connection that some other signs do. So when you sense a bit of withdrawal, don’t panic. Capricorn’s energy of authority often attracts those who are looking for a parent. If you find yourself slipping into the role of Child (becoming needy and demanding when Capricorn retreats) check yourself. The key to a successful relationship with this sign is a partnership between two adults. Cultivate your own rich and fulfilling life alongside your Capricorn partner, so when she emerges from Hermit mode, you can relate to each other as equals.
Finally, know that Capricorn’s idea of commitment is not about grand romantic gestures. She wants to make things better for you, in concrete ways. This may involve spending extra hours at work. Or accumulating material proof of status. In her mind, she’s doing right by you. If you want someone poetic or sentimental, start looking for a different partner.
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