Do You Scare Your Love Interests Away?

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You’re into Mr. Potential, and he’s into you. It’s early days yet — you’ve only had one date. But you really like this guy. Then, you do The Thing. During the date, you ask him probing questions about absolutely everything, from his childhood onwards. If he hesitates, you pounce, asking him why he’s uncomfortable. After the date’s over, you never hear from him again. Or, you send him three (maybe four) texts when you get home from the date, to assure him that you had a good time. And you never hear from him again. Or, a few days after the date, you show up unannounced at his apartment (that he didn’t give you the address to) for a spontaneous get-together. Fun, right? Turns out he’s busy. And you never hear from him again.

These scenarios are exaggerated, but you get the point. If the phrase “I scare people away” is an issue when you’re dating, it could just be that others don’t appreciate your fabulousness. All joking aside, this is a valid point. Not everyone is casual and laid back, and not everyone is attracted to casual and laid back. If you’re too anything for someone, they’re not the person for you. BUT. There is a line between being yourself, and being a version of yourself that steps over people’s boundaries. There are certain natal aspects that magnify behavior to the point where it becomes invasive. Think about how you felt the last time your boundaries were violated. Any personal planet receiving the following aspects is something to be aware of. Note that these natal aspects do not guarantee that you’ll push people away; there’s always a range of potential.

Pluto Aspects: The Burrower

No surprise that hard aspects from natal Pluto get top billing. Pluto adds a survival impulse to any planet it touches. Survival means finding out absolutely everything about the other person by burrowing into their secrets. Usually, this is not done consciously, unless Pluto is aspecting natal Mercury. But when you’re attracted to someone, the instinctive impulse is to move in and penetrate, while maintaining your control. Pluto always wants to come out on top. For Moon in Libra square Pluto, this can manifest as honing in on what the other person needs, and attempting to ensure that they don’t get their needs met by anyone else. For Sun in Aries conjunct Pluto, domination can be overt, to the point where the person you’re dating feels like they’re being attacked. This is never pleasant at any stage in the relationship. But when it happens before you’ve established a baseline level of trust, you can kill a relationship before it gets off the ground.

Pluto gives you power, but the hard aspects make you anxious that it will be taken away. The object of your desire senses your power (it’s what attracted them in the first place) but when you give in to the anxiety of losing control, that power is distorted into manipulation. Invasive questions, or forcing intimacy before the other person is ready, are symptoms of a misused Pluto. Even the most unaware person can sense when they’re being invaded. Understand that you already have more personal power than most people, so you don’t have to make any effort to dominate.

Jupiter: The Enthusiast

You may not associate Jupiter with scaring people off. Who doesn’t love this planet’s endless supply of optimism, indulgence and fun? But Jupiter expands everything, and when it makes hard, natal aspects to planets, it can become insufferable. Mercury in Virgo conjunct Jupiter probably makes you super-talkative (no worries about awkward silences). But Jupiter can also enhance Virgo’s obsession with fixing, so you may compulsively offer solutions when nothing’s broken. For example, you leave a voicemail message, then worry that you said the wrong thing. You phone back and leave another message with your correction. Then you worry that you’re leaving too many messages, and you leave another message to apologize for the first two. Some people may find this endearing, while others will think it’s over-the-top irritating, and decide not to call you back. Ever again. Jupiter opposite Venus in Cancer can amplify your desire to nurture whomever you’re attracted to. This can be warm and lovely, but not everyone is ready for a ten-minute hug when they barely know you. And not everyone wants an invasive mother hen as a partner.

If you have any hard Jupiter aspects, and there’s a pattern of others backing away from you, consider that the aspected planet is going into overdrive. You can’t change who you are, and you shouldn’t. But Jupiter aspects can benefit from a touch of discipline. Enthusiasm is a great thing, but not when it’s forced onto someone.

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