Love Horoscope for the Week of July 25

Unfortunately there will be no Love Horoscope this week. In its place, Sasstrology presents some Sponsored Content.

MONDAY: Tired? Run down? Maybe what you need is MOON IN ARIES! THIS MONDAY ONLY — Moon in Aries makes useful aspects to Mercury, Venus, and Saturn, so go go go! Who cares about that potentially disastrous square to Pluto? Get out of my way!
© Moon in Aries (read all warnings before using)

TUESDAY: Relax. Breathe Deeply. Moon in Taurus is ready to slow things down and make things a little more chill. Give yourself a break. Enjoy your supper.
© Moon in Taurus (now with extra gravy!)

WEDNESDAY: In today’s hectic Information Age, you need to stay smart in order to stay on top. Mercury trine Uranus brings you blindingly fast data processing speeds and the creative thinking you need to overcome the competition. Rise to the challenge and overcome your obstacles this week!
© Mercury trine Uranus (may require a hardware upgrade on some systems)

THURSDAY: Are you tired of holding back with your opinions? Is it time you told your boss/loved one what a jerk he/she/they are? Throw caution to the wind with Moon in Gemini opposite Mars in Sagittarius! Hey, the week is nearly over, and you’ve put up with their crap for too long! Lock and load!
© Moon opposite Mars. Please consult a legal professional before using at full strength.

FRIDAY: ERROR 404 -- FILE NOT FOUND
MOON SQUARE NEPTUNE, MOON SQUARE MARS, URANUS TURNS RETROGRADE
EMOTIONAL AND BEHAVIORAL STACK OVERFLOW
REBOOT TOMORROW TO CONTINUE

SATURDAY: Sooth your jangled nerves with Moon in Cancer. Take care of yourself. Relax with a nice bubble bath. Your feelings and desires may just be a little too deep to fully share with someone else anyway. Jerks.
© Moon in Cancer (ask your Mom if it’s okay to use)

SUNDAY: Moon in Cancer may be temporarily disabled from its auto-protective routines by a temporary trine to Neptune. Please stand by until the opposition to Pluto later in the evening for full defensive measure to come back online.
© Moon in Cancer (whatever will Mom say??)

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