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When you’re romantically involved, you trust your partner with your body and emotions. If your partner cheats on you, there’s a betrayal. It hurts, and that’s a universal fact. What’s not universal is how everyone reacts to being cheated on. Different natal configurations indicate different responses to pain. Everyone hurts, but they don’t process it in the same way. The following descriptions apply to the natal Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, ruler of the 7th House, or planets in the 5th/7th Houses.
Attack and Amputate
Natal planets in aspect to Pluto, or Pluto in the 7th House, suggest that your response is based on survival. You give so deeply that a betrayal feels like death. Your reaction (especially if Mars is involved) may involve retaliation. This can range from stalking, to damaging something your ex values. The other reaction (which can occur in place of, or after, vengeance) is amputation. There is no more contact with your ex, and no forgiveness. You’re not fighting against the urge to go back, you simply do not engage with them ever again. This is the other aspect of survival — resurrection after death. There needs to be a metaphorical death before you can be reborn, hence the absolute ending. This process is not quick. You experience every nuance of the pain and anger by going all the way down until a limit is reached. Your intimacy was extreme, and your process of feeling everything and letting go is extreme. When this process is distorted, you can become stuck in the experience, unable to let go as you dwell on how much your ex hurt you, and how much you’d like to hurt them.
Lightspeed Detachment
Planets in aspect to Uranus, or Uranus in the 7th House, also generate survival-based reactions. In contrast to the Pluto process, your cauterization is quick and relatively bloodless. Detachment is the key phrase, and the key to protecting yourself. There’s no desire for vengeance, just a need to move forward as quickly as possible. This can happen so suddenly (often accompanied by a sense of numbness) that you may not have time to process the pain. If you come into contact with your ex again you may be chill, or even friendly. You’ve moved on, so why waste energy on ugly feelings?
Boundary Fortification
Planets in aspect to Saturn, or Saturn in the 7th House, are about creating fortifications. If you’ve been cheated on, that means your boundaries were inadequate. The solution is to build those walls higher. You reinforce your control, so next time (if there is a next time) you can keep the enemy out. Usually one episode of being cheated on is all it takes for you to clamp down. The cheater is locked out, and there are no messy emotional scenes. Good luck to any future romantic interest who tries to get close. While you may still be bleeding on the inside, your outer armor is almost impenetrable. When distorted, this process can result in arrested development. That key moment of pain was never fully dealt with. If the incident happened when you were young, the result can be weeping child on inside, adult on the outside.
Staying in the Pool
Planets in hard aspect to Neptune, or Neptune in the 7th House, create illusion and the ability to forget. You’re most likely to keep forgiving the cheater, because the pain of being cheated on is blurred and softened. You let go of the incident, convince yourself that it won’t happen again, and embrace your lover with boundless compassion. If you keep going back to the partner who hurt you, or the same type of partner, you continually sacrifice yourself. In some cases, there may be a lack of self-esteem, created by doubts about what you really deserve. Your pool of sadness/victimization can feel so familiar (and strangely comforting) that there’s no impetus to climb out. The key is harnessing your ability to let go by actually letting go of your self-destructive pattern.
Bouncing Back
Hard aspects from Jupiter, or Jupiter in the 7th House, create extra reserves of optimism. You’re just as likely to be cheated on as anyone else, but you’re more likely to bounce back and move on. Jupiter pulls your sights up and out. There’s optimism for the future, plus the drive to move towards that future. Dwelling on what feels bad is not in your nature, which means you’re also likely to forgive your lover, but probably not go back to them. You feel the pain, but even as you’re feeling it there’s a pull towards what’s next. However, Jupiter expands everything. When it’s combined with natal Pluto, Uranus or Neptune aspects, it can enhance those tendencies. Jupiter/Pluto can become ultra vengeful/obsessive, Jupiter/Uranus barely seems to reside on planet earth, and Jupiter/Neptune may actively pursue cheaters.
The sign positions of the planets will add another layer of influence that enhances or modifies. Fixed signs will take longer to move on. Cardinal signs will be more likely to move forward, but in some cases, more likely to strike back. Mutable signs may shift back and forth between forgiving and moving on. With Venus conjunct Neptune in Scorpio, you may continually end up in situations where you’re cheated on, but you’re also less forgiving than Venus conjunct Neptune in Gemini. Saturn in Aries opposing Moon in Libra will quickly build emotional defenses to maintain independence (if you don’t need anyone, no one can hurt you). With Saturn in Taurus opposite Moon in Scorpio, you’ll take longer to raise the drawbridge after being cheated on, and the resulting walls will be constructed to maintain emotional security. The difference between emotional independence versus security may seem slight, but there is a difference in core motivation.
Related:
- The Crab in the Iron Shell: Hard Aspects Between the Natal Moon and Saturn
- The Fine Line Between Pleasure and Pain: Venus Opposite Pluto
- The Detached Lover: Aspects Between the Moon and Uranus in the Natal Chart
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